To make a long story short, I was kidnapped and found myself tied to two poles in the jungle. When I struggled, a giant ape — ooh, maybe 100 feet tall, I mean a giant ape — walked out of the jungle. (The natives were shouting king something-or-other.) He picked me up in his hand and I shouted, “You cant take me,you big ape. They need me at Carty’s.” He looked puzzled so I told him how Carty’s has been at the same location for more than 50 years, how we repair all foreign and domestic cars, how we do great body and mechanical work for a fair price, how we — well, he started to cry and,as I finished, he was bawling like a baby. He put me down, patted me on the head (resulting in a three-day headache), and shambled off into the jungle sobbing. Well, believe me, I made tracks out of there and headed home. Later, I heard that he made a short visit to New York. But he never called me, the big ape.